“The Process of Singleness”

Updated: Dec 2, 2020

“We are only as loyal as our options.”

-Essence Atkins

Whenever I am awakened early, I know that there is something God wants me to see and/or hear. As much as people expect spiritual leaders to hear from God for them and about them, I relish the fact that he often desires to intimately speak to me about me. I took this picture a couple of weeks ago, and I now know why I couldn’t post it until now. It perfectly captures the ongoing results of a process that I neither wanted nor expected-

a nine-year period of singleness.

You see, I LOVE love, but I am no longer the hopeless romantic that I used to be. In this time alone, God dismantled and ultimately destroyed the constructs and fantasies that I created and fostered that gave me inappropriate and unrealistic expectations of what it means to love and to be loved. I have learned that to do so with authenticity is to be established in who God says I am and not who I think a man would desire. God met me in my kitchen during the summer of 2019 to ask me if I wanted to know why I have been single for so long. When I said yes, he lovingly responded, “I had to establish you in who you are so you won’t lose yourself again.”

His words to me rocked me to my core and sent me into a praise and thanksgiving period like no other. Why?

God’s protection is indeed REAL, especially when it’s from myself.

This process has empowered me to quickly discern between an Ishmael and an Issac, to not settle and to wait for God’s promise to me to arrive. As I have heard it said, I have learned that “it’s not about getting someone to like me but rather how they make me feel when I am in their presence.”

In other words, if I cannot fully be me in a relationship, then none of me can or will stay in it. Being alone has upgraded my sense of value and worth so that I won’t cheapen or compromise them to be with “him.”

The process has healed me and has made me

whole despite being a party of one for now.

For this, I am grateful.

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